Be Unapologetically Yourself

The idea of being unapologetically yourself has come up a few times in business books I've been reading lately, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot.

Not just in business, either.

People are usually pretty good at figuring out when you're pretending to be something you're not. Maybe not immediately, but eventually it comes through.

But I think there's an even bigger problem with pretending.

What if it works?

What if you successfully convince people that you're the person you think you're supposed to be?

Now you've attracted people who like that person.

Except that person isn't actually you.

I've done this in my own life. You try to dress the way you think you should dress. Act the way you think you should act. Be interested in the things you think you're supposed to be interested in. Maybe tone down the weird stuff a little.

And then you wonder why you don't really vibe with the people you're attracting.

Well...you didn't attract them by being you.

I think the same thing happens in business.

It's really easy to look around at everyone else in your field and start creating the version of yourself you think a professional is supposed to be. Talk a certain way. Make your website look a certain way. Post the things you're supposed to post.

And maybe it works.

But now you have clients who were attracted to a version of you that doesn't actually exist.

I know plenty of people aren't going to vibe with me. That's fine.

I don't need everyone to.

If I'm going to spend 60 or 90 minutes working one-on-one with someone, potentially every week, I'd much rather work with someone who likes what I actually bring to the table than someone who liked a character I created to get their business.

And it goes both ways.

Maybe I'm not the right massage therapist for someone. There are plenty of other great therapists who might be a much better fit for them. That's not a failure. That's just two people figuring out they aren't each other's people.

The same goes for friends.

You don't need everyone you meet to like you. You need to find the people you actually enjoy being around

and give those people a chance to find you.

But I think there's an important part of "being unapologetically yourself" that sometimes gets left out.

Being yourself doesn't give you permission to ruin everyone else's experience.

This one drives me crazy.

Film an entire concert with your phone held over your head and now the person behind you gets to watch the concert through your screen.

Ride side-by-side on a trail and refuse to move single file when someone needs to pass.

"I'm just doing what makes me happy."

Great.

You're also sharing the world with other people.

Being unapologetically yourself isn't an excuse to be inconsiderate. It doesn't mean refusing to grow, refusing to compromise, or deciding everyone else needs to accommodate whatever you feel like doing.

I try to be exactly who I am without doing it at the expense of someone else.

I think there's a pretty simple way to put it:

Don't make yourself smaller for other people. But don't make other people smaller so you can be yourself.

Beyond that?

Be weird.

Wear what you want to wear.

Have hobbies people don't understand.

Get way too excited about something nobody else cares about.

Build a business that actually feels like yours.

Stop trying to sound like everyone else in your profession.

Let people see enough of the real you to decide whether you're their kind of person.

Some people won't be.

That's kind of the point.

Because whether you're looking for friends, clients, coworkers, or just people you enjoy having in your life, you're probably going to have a much better time finding your tribe when you stop pretending to belong to someone else's.